


What the Water Gave

by erenyaeger



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-04-02 23:44:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4078450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erenyaeger/pseuds/erenyaeger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They used to send children who were ill to the sea-side. They believed that this would cure whatever was causing them pain, and that the water could give them their health.</p><p>There is a validity to this practice. The ocean is a body that gives and has been giving as long as we have been there to receive from it.</p><p>Sometimes what it gives is unexpected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my armin (my sun and all my stars)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+armin+%28my+sun+and+all+my+stars%29).



> _Hello All,_  
>     
>  _I've been writing pieces for eremin for quite a while on tumblr, and around when I started I made an account on AO3 and then... promptly never used it. But that changes today. I couldn't think of a better way to start off than with my first ongoing Eren/Armin piece._
> 
> _I can't think of much else to say for now other than enjoy- I hope you'll want to stick around for more._

The fog outside the now empty house was like the fog inside of Armin’s head.

Nothing seemed real to him at the moment. Nothing seemed _really_ real, anyway. He could feel the moisture clinging to his skin, but it was as though his skin was not really his. 

It was almost like when he stood at his parent’s graves, as though the bodies in the ground weren’t his parents’ bodies.

_Although maybe they hadn’t been for a long time if Armin had been so afraid to speak to them before their death, but it was still so strange to see them lifeless—_

And it was a lot like when the people he saw in the church that he never wanted to go to but had gone to since he was a child offered him their condolences, but it was almost like they weren’t being offered to him at all.

That was what the past week had been like. 

The family friend that stayed in the house with him as he packed his things seemed like a complete stranger to him. He felt like he was a thief as he packed his mothers’ perfume bottles into a box so that he could keep a piece of her with him. He felt like he was an imposter when he used his father’s suitcase to pack his clothes.

He felt like he would never see the objects in the boxes in the moving truck again as it sped off, although he was well aware he had inherited all of them and they were just getting moved to the house he was going to get moved to in a strange and far away place.

They were just moving sooner, and they didn’t have the ability to dread meeting a man that he had never met that was supposed to be his grandfather.

The magnolias outside the house almost looked like they were struggling to hold their own branches that day, as though they were reaching towards the ground and begging Armin to _stay, please, stay_. 

But he could not. His grandfather had already been called and had been driving for days to get him. He couldn’t just tell him _I’m sorry, but I’m actually quite comfortable here alone with no support-system or resources what-so-ever, but here’s some sweet tea for your trouble. Bye now._

He couldn’t say that.

And even if he wanted to, he lost all of any words that he had in his throat when the car pulled up.

When a kind-looking, elderly gentleman stepped out of the driver’s seat, Armin was surprised but not sure what else he had been expecting.

“Armin?” The man asked gently, smiling the way people smile that makes their eyes crinkle. It was a tentative offer, but Armin found himself smiling shyly and nodding.

“Grandpa.” He greeted, unsure of whether to stand up or stay sitting or handshake or hug—

“I’m sorry the first time we meet again is under these circumstances.” The man started, sitting down on the porch next to Armin. “You probably don’t remember me because you were very young the last time we spoke, and I’m sorry. I know this must be even more stressful.”

“It’s okay.” Armin offered softly. He wanted to why, where had his Grandfather been, was there a reason his parents never really talked about him and why hadn’t he ever tried to contact Armin—

But no other words came out.

“I know it’s a long way away from home,” His grandfather started again, “but you’ll love it in Maine. There are plenty of places to explore in town; we have beautiful beaches and some of the best blueberries in the states. And since it’s summer you’ll have plenty of time to enjoy it all.”

Armin smiled, still nervous but excited about the prospect of getting to see the sea. When he was just a child his parents would tell him about it; they’d read him stories and show him pictures, but somehow they had just never gotten around to traveling there.

Supposedly they’d once loved to travel when he was young. Armin wondered what ever happened to kill that love.

“I’m sure it will be wonderful.” Armin smiled, and his grandfather set a hand on his shoulder.

“Do you have a favourite place to eat in town?” He asked, and Armin nodded again.

“Yeah. Mom and dad say- said it was expensive though, so we don’t- didn’t go a lot.” Armin corrected himself, swallowing a lump in his throat. Somehow he felt closer to them now than he did the last time he saw him alive, and it made his stomach knot.

It was kind of his Grandfather to pretend he didn't see the pained expression on his face.

“Money isn't a problem. Tonight is an important night. Let’s go.” He offered, standing up from the porch steps and offering Armin a hand up.

Armin took his hand, doing his best to keep his composure, but questioned him.

“I know you drove a long way- are you sure you don’t want to just eat in the house and rest?” 

“No. I’m meeting my grandchild for the first time. I want to fully appreciate that.” He replied. 

Armin couldn’t help but smile as they got in the car.

______________________

Armin decided that he liked his grandfather.

He had learned that his grandfather had had a fondness for the theatre, and had been quite an accomplished scholar in his younger years. He had a rather large library in his home, and it seemed that the love of books was something that he and Armin shared- perhaps even something Armin had inherited. 

They discussed poetry together over cornbread and fried green tomatoes, and it was almost enough to take Armin’s mind off of his sadness for a little while.

It was certainly enough to allow him to feel at ease with the man, and comfortable enough to drive back home with him tomorrow.

In the cheery light of the restaurant, Armin almost forgot about the gloom that greeted him when they returned to the house to rest for the night. He was sure that it was even gloomier sheerly because it was empty, minus a few suitcases of things that Armin could not bear to entrust to someone else to move.

His grandfather bravely tried to smile and continue the conversation as they moved through the house, and it was then Armin realized that he, too, had lost part of his family in this tragedy.

They had more in common than he’d initially realized.

They talked to fill the silence, until Armin could tell the older man was weary and encouraged him to rest. He fell asleep almost instantly, if the snoring was anything to tell by.

Armin couldn’t settle himself in the house enough to sleep for one more night. It seemed wrong to try and settle into a place that he would soon have no ties to any longer, or maybe it was just that he didn’t want to believe that this was a place that he would soon have no ties left with.

But it would be. And so Armin sat up in silence, drinking in the sights and sounds of what was the last deep southern night he would see indefinitely from out the window. 

It was strange thinking that, although he knew nothing other than this, soon it would all be dead to him.

No more restaurants with fried green tomatoes. No more magnolias in the yard to hide himself under. No more of the church bells ringing insistently in the distance. No more Sunday services where people would side-eye him and shake their heads like they _knew_.

He wondered if maybe this was the land taking it upon itself to try and exile him. 

It had succeeded, if that was the goal. Soon, very soon, he was about to go far, far away from here, far enough that he couldn’t taint their spaces with his alleged sins. Sometimes he wondered, if it felt so natural, how could it possibly be a sin?

He mulled over this until the sun rose over the hills, and he stopped quickly as though if his grandfather woke he would suddenly catch him thinking, decide that he was defective, and drive away without him.

And suddenly Armin didn’t want to be left alone here anymore.

When they packed his bags into the car and started down the road he didn’t look back.

______________________

The three-day trip was surreal.

Armin never knew just how much road existed outside of town, and suddenly it just seemed so, so small in comparison to everything they passed as they drove. It seemed like every place that they stopped for food or lodging was different, and it made Armin wonder more and more about what kind of different their destination would be like. 

When they were close, Armin’s grandfather rolled down the window and the smell of salt water filled the air.

“We’re almost there.” The man offered, and Armin welcomed the scent of the sea into his lungs the first time. 

He liked it, he decided. It smelled like what being free felt like, and he liked it. He didn’t feel it when the car finally came to a stop and stayed there.

“O-oh.” Armin smiled sheepishly when he’d realized that they’d been waiting for no apparent reason for the last five minutes. “Sorry. It’s just…”

“The sea air is really something, isn’t it?” His grandfather asked, and Armin nodded.

“Yeah. I like it.”

“Good.” The man smiled. “It’s a part of here. Come on in, let me show you around.”

Armin nodded, hopping out of the car and grabbing one suitcase to take up before he finally looked up at the house in front of him.

It looked like something out of a novel, and he couldn’t believe he was going to be here. He had to shake himself out of his stupor before he could follow his grandfather up the porch and into the front door. 

For a man long living alone, the house looked very cheerful. He found himself doing his best to push the gloom of his last home out of his mind for the moment as he admired the space, and again as he climbed the stairs to the second floor.

“I haven’t had anyone here for a long time,” His grandfather explained when they were at the top of the steps, “and so I don’t really have any of these rooms ready. I thought maybe you could pick one you like to make yours.”

He was trying to welcome him there, Armin knew, and the effort did not go unappreciated.

“Thank you.” Armin beamed, pleased to have something to do to take his mind off of recent events.

“But don’t go holing yourself in there, now,” The elderly man continued, “I expect you to get outside too. Explore, go and see the sights. Try and make some friends for me, ok?”

And exploring was something that Armin was good at, but friends were not. The man looked so genuine, though, that Armin couldn’t bring himself to tell him this.

“I’ll try.” Armin offered, and luckily that seemed like enough for the moment.

“Look around. When you decide where you want to be you can start bringing things up.” He encouraged, setting down the stairs. “I’m going to make some lunch. Come when you can.”

And with that, bag in hand, Armin started on his first great explore through the house.

There were more rooms than there appeared to be from the outside. Big ones, small ones, some oddly shaped ones. But his favourite room of all was the room with the stairs to a small attic loft. It had a certain charm to it, and Armin felt almost safe there. It had that quality about it, safe, like it could somehow shelter him from prying eyes and ears and give him a space to breathe. 

When he walked further into the room to climb the stairs and sat himself in the center of the tiny, empty space, he found himself surrounded by silence, just silence and no church-bells chastising him for god-knows-what every time he was caught in the middle of his thoughts. And as he listened to nothing, he started to cry. 

He cried big, wet, bubbly tears, ones that rolled down his face and dampened his shirt, and he was glad that this room was far enough from where the kitchen seemed to be that he shouldn’t be heard.

He wasn’t entirely sure why he was crying right then. He told himself maybe it was because of his parents being gone, and maybe that was true but maybe it was only a part of the whole truth. Maybe he was finally, for once, alone in his own head and away from the feeling of fear and inadequacy that hung over him like a storm cloud everywhere that he even dared to breathe when he was where he once called home. And only now that he was away did he realize how much of a toll that had truly taken on him until he couldn’t feel the weight of it anymore.

And so he cried. And cried. He cried until he couldn’t cry anymore, until it felt like a piece of his heart left his body with his tears, and he sat until he felt that his Grandfather wouldn’t notice that he had been crying when he went back downstairs.

He tried to sneak by him by rushing his suitcases and boxes up the stairs, and he used that time to try and compose himself. He didn’t feel all the way together yet, but hunger inevitably overcame his ability to avoid the kitchen any longer.

And whatever was cooking in the kitchen _did_ smell good.

He crept into the room slowly, and it didn’t take his grandfather one minute to notice the rings under his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” He offered gently, and Armin tried to smile.

“It will be okay.” The blonde replied. “I love the room.”

“You chose the loft.” His grandfather said more than asked, and Armin giggled.

“How did you know?”

“I would have loved that when I was your age.” The man smiled, setting a plate in front of Armin before he took his own. They sat, and he started another train of thought.

“You’re very brave, Armin. That much is clear.” He started, and Armin wasn’t entirely sure that he believed him but listened attentively nonetheless. 

“But it’s okay to feel sad sometimes.” The man continued. “It’s okay to feel sad and broken for a while. That doesn’t mean you are, and that doesn’t mean that won’t ever feel better. In fact, you’re in luck- this is one of the best places to feel that way.”

“Really?” Armin asked, trying to understand what the man was getting at, and Grandpa Arlert nodded.

“The ocean has this incredible way of bringing people what they need in times of need. It brings us food, it brings us places, and it can bring so much more. I sound like a crazy old man right now,” he laughed a hearty laugh, “but this is one thing I am certain of. Take a walk down there, later. I think you’ll see what I mean.”

He smiled, absolutely confident in his conviction, and Armin smiled back.

“What do you think it will bring me?” Armin asked, almost playfully, and the man shrugged.

“Whatever it is you need.” He answered, unwavering in his confidence.

Little did Armin know how right he would be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _In which Armin realizes he's somewhere very different, and meets someone very different._

The itch to take his grandfather’s advice and explore the new little world around him was burning in Armin’s veins, but his travel weary bones begged him to take a night to rest.

And so he did, but only because he wasn’t sure how well his legs could carry him through the town after turning to jelly from sitting in a passenger seat for three days.

Maybe at that moment it was for the better, though. It meant that he ended up starting to unpack and set up his room, and it meant that he was there when the moving van _finally_ arrived so that he could direct where his furniture was supposed to go.

As he surveyed the room, his furniture in its new home and his boxes half unpacked, he found himself somehow liking the space even more. Yes. This was his. It belonged to him, somehow more than anything else had belonged to him before, possibly because he somehow felt safe there. 

It confused him, honestly. He had a room at home _\- his previous home, he corrected himself-_ but somehow it wasn’t all the way his. Those walls had eyes and they judged him, and sometimes he started worrying that it could somehow record his every mistake and report back to his parents and let them know what an abomination he was—

Instead this room had arms. It had warm arms that closed around him, that told him _it is safe and they can’t find you here_ , and it made him think that maybe he could finally have a place to sort his head out. 

Dear god he didn’t realize how badly he needed to sort his head out until now when he had enough space to be in his head.

He took a break from unpacking his boxes to climb up the stairs to his bed, flopping backwards onto the mattress and the pillows heavily. He stared up to the ceiling, feeling chills of exhaustion through his body, and suddenly he was glad that making his bed was the first thing he decided to do when he was settling in. 

Halfway done wasn’t a bad place to stop for the night, he decided. He settled against the blankets and the sheets, nestling into them and taking a deep breath in. He listened to the sounds from outside his window, so vastly different than what he had been hearing just three days ago. There was no church bell dinging constantly, and the rustling of the leaves here somehow seemed so different from the rustling of the leaves there. Maybe it was that they seemed softer with the white noise from what sounded like the sea in the distance.

He felt wrong being as eerily calm as he was. He wondered if maybe he should mourn more for where he had came from, as though place, too, should be as deserving of a funeral as people were. 

There were things he would miss, after all. Who would care for the magnolias in his yard, collect their fallen seeds in jars like they were gemstones and press their fallen blossoms between book pages to preserve them like his mother taught him?

_His mother also taught him how to sing hymns in their services and somehow he didn’t think he would miss that at all—_

There was a knot in his throat and saline stinging his eyes, and he wondered if maybe everything was just now hitting him.

The books she’d gave him sat unpacked in a box on his desk, especially the ones he’d pressed magnolia blossoms into, and he wondered if she would be upset that he took them instead of leaving them on her grave. He wondered if she would be upset at him for leaving. He wondered if she would be upset if he stopped going to church every Sunday, or if he continued to if she could forgive him for whatever he found in his head. 

He felt sick to his stomach thinking about it.

To some degree, he already knew what was there. He would catch glimpses of it in the corner of his eye, and feel it when he choked words back in his throat. He wanted to scream at it _you can come out now, it’s not like there’s anything stopping you anymore_ , but somehow he still couldn’t quite look it in the face or get the words out of his mouth. 

He wondered if she could ever forgive him if he did. He wondered if it even mattered.

In a morbid way, he supposed this was best. Maybe they would have rather died than ever lived to see their son in this state, because at least then they could die with the hope that he would somehow turn out the way they wanted him to. He laughed abruptly, hysterically, trembling a little when hot tears stung the corners of his eyes and burned his cheeks. Somehow that thought wasn’t comforting at all.

He wiped the tears from his face shakily, more smearing them than drying them, and he found himself whimpering quietly when he realized he might still be able to disappoint the one family member he had left.

He suddenly didn’t want to be in his head anymore. 

He sat up abruptly, getting out of bed to unpack more clothes. Tomorrow was Sunday. He didn’t care. He probably wouldn’t get any more sleep trying to sort out the mess in his head than he would by finishing unpacking, anyway.

______________________

When Armin woke, sunlight was already flooding the room.

He blinked awake slowly at first, and then suddenly sat up in a panic when he realized he had no idea what time he had fallen asleep (in his clothes, even) and what time it was now.

He reached for his phone, clicking the lock screen on, and almost dropped it. 

_Shit_. Half past noon.

He made a mad dash down the stairs, tripping over himself as he did and stumbling further into the kitchen where his grandfather sat with the paper.

“Grandpa, I am so sorry—” He managed to stammer out, and the man simply glanced up at him and raised a brow.

“Good morning to you too.” He joked a little before responding, “What could you possibly be sorry for if you just woke up?”

“I know I overslept and I bet all of the services are over—” Armin started frantically, and the elderly man cut him off with a soft chuckle.

“Slow down, slow down. That’s ok, Armin. I haven’t been to church for years, actually. Now I’m sure that wouldn’t be news your parents wanted to hear, and it might seem a little strange-“

“You… don’t go to church?” Armin accidentally interrupted, slowly letting the concept sink in, and the other nodded his head.

“No. And I haven’t, for many years. Of course, that was my choice, and if you wanted to go I could find a way to take you.”

“… You… aren’t going to make me go?” Armin asked, slowly. “You won’t get mad at me, if I don’t go?”

“Of course not. Now that would be hypocritical of me.” The man smiled, and Armin slumped into the seat across from him.

“… Why did you stop going?” Armin asked finally, and the man shrugged.

“Well… it’s a long answer. Mainly though, I realized one day that I didn’t feel what they said I was supposed to be feeling when I went anymore. Your grandma- you would have loved her, I’m sure-”, he smiled wistfully, “and I made the decision together, but both for our own reasons. She could have explained it really well, I’m sure. Always full of fire, that one.”

“I’m sorry.” Armin offered quietly, and the other shook his head.

“We all have to cope with loss.” He replied. “And she wouldn’t have liked to be forgotten, she would want to be talked about. Anyway, some of it was just that it didn’t feel comforting anymore. All of the joy was gone, for both of us. But do you still feel joy when you go, Armin?”

Armin wasn’t sure he ever had, actually. It’s hard to feel that way when half of the service is spent condemning your very being.

“I… don’t think I have for a while, honestly.” He admitted quietly.

“Then do you still want to go?” The other asked, and Armin thought.

It felt like if he said no, then he was committing some terrible unforgivable sin. That’s what they taught him, anyway. And if he walked away from the pews and the pulpit, away from this so called house of god, then somehow he would be burying his parents yet again- and for good, this time.

But if he stayed, he would be burying himself alive.

“No.” He finally whispered, completely honestly, although somehow he still worried that this would be a trap of some sort and he was about to be condemned—

But it wasn’t.

“Then you absolutely don’t have to go.” The man finally answered with a smile, and Armin was so gripped with loss and overcome with relief that he wanted to cry. 

He did his best to swallow the knot in his throat and blink back tears.

“Thank you.” He finally choked out, his voice strained, and he found himself being pulled into a warm hug by his grandfather.

“It’s going to be okay.” The other offered quietly, and Armin just nodded and wiped his tears back before any more could fall. 

“S-sorry.” He finally stammered when he pulled himself together a little more. “I just… it’s been a long week.”

“I know. I know.” 

There was silence for a while, and then his grandfather stepped back and turned to the fridge. 

“Do you want some breakfast? An empty stomach can’t be helping anything.” The man reminded Armin, and the blonde nodded. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until food was mentioned.

“Yes, please.”

“We’ll have a brunch,” the older man suggested, “and then you should get outside. It’s an absolutely beautiful out there today, the perfect day to explore.”

“It looks it.” Armin agreed, and his grandfather continued.

“I can give you some cash for town. There’s plenty of shops that the kids like, I’m sure you will too. Just promise me you’ll visit the water today, okay?”

Armin smiled.

“I will. And that’s very kind of you, but you don’t need to give me anything, I have some saved from my last job, and I can find another—” 

His grandfather shook his head.

“My treat. You are my grandchild, after all. And I didn’t get to give you anything for years.” The man reminded, and although Armin again wondered why that was he didn’t have it in him to start two big conversations in one day.

“Are you guilt-tripping me into _taking_ money?” Armin grinned finally, and the elderly man grinned back.

“You won’t see that from many people.” He teased, cracking an egg into the pan in front of him. “You shouldn’t worry about working right now, though. Find favourite places. Make friends. You’ve been through a lot, and your job right now is to get rejuvenated. Okay?”

“Okay.” Armin agreed. 

He found himself thinking that the task would be quite enough a job in itself, if it was even possible.

______________________

Armin left the house with a full stomach, a (re)filled wallet, a half-empty back pack, and an empty head.

He knew that eventually he would have to deal with all of the thoughts that were swirling up in there, but for now he decided he was going to try and restart. He would go outside, take in the sights and sounds and such, and let those be what took up space in his brain. Maybe it would help him gain new insight.

Or maybe that was just an excuse to avoid dealing with everything right away.

Excuse or not, Armin had already set out the door and down the street towards the main drag. He had to admit that the streets seemed as though they were made for pedestrian traffic, and the trip from his house to the main street seemed almost effortless.

The new set of shops looked very welcoming, brightly colored and enticing, and the side streets that came off from it begged to be explored. Adjusting his backpack on his shoulders, Armin started to wander slowly down the street as he scanned the shop names.

This was a lot more impressive than the main street in his previous town was. Some of those buildings had been ancient and fairly dilapidated, and anything that was even remotely new didn’t particularly look all that bright or enticing at all. This place, however, seemed to be a much friendlier host with a lot more to offer the blonde. 

He couldn’t help but notice that the boutiques kept catching his eye.

They weren’t supposed to. People like him who showed that they liked things like that were absolutely ostracized from the community of people that his parents kept company with. But somehow now without the weight of everyone’s eyes on him, he found himself toying with the idea of going inside. Just one…

He wandered up and down the street for a few minutes, deciding that if he was only going to visit one he best make it count. He eventually settled on a shop that looked like spring, shyly tested the door, and then pushing it open with a sort of rebellious conviction once he decided that no one’s eyes were on him. That lasted all of two seconds until he was greeted with a friendly smile from the girl behind the counter.

He wondered if she knew.

“Hello.” The employee greeted, and Armin smiled timidly back.

“Hello.” Armin replied, surprised by how light his voice sounded coming from his throat.

“Just to let you know, we’re having a thirty percent off sale on all shirts this week. They’ll be marked with a red sticker, like this.” 

The girl picked up a sticker sheet from the counter and pointed, waiting until he nodded for confirmation.

“If you see anything you like let me know and I can get you a room.” She smiled, and Armin nodded.

“Thank you.” 

His voice was still lighter than it could be, mostly because he was surprised she’d been so welcoming. Did she think he was a girl? Did she not understand? Would she kick him out if she knew?

Deciding not to test that theory, he hurried back into the clothing racks and busied himself with browsing for nothing in particular. 

He actually hadn’t planned at all on buying anything, not really. He hadn’t really even planned on looking for anything specific at all. He had told himself that maybe if he just looked then he wouldn’t be doing anything wrong, but somehow as he rooted indiscriminately through the hangers and clothes racks he felt that maybe he was already in too deep.

And if he was already drowning, then he may as well try and enjoy the ride down.

He slowed his hands, taking the time to actually survey the garments he was holding. Admittedly, they were even more satisfying to look at up close. And they were so much _nicer_ than men’s shirts; they had richer color, nicer cuts, and far more choices…

To think that not an hour earlier he had said he _wouldn’t_ be dealing with any of these thoughts. 

He chewed his lip, wondering what on Earth he was doing. Boys weren’t supposed to do this. But here he was, and now he was. And he didn’t particularly want to stop at this point.

And for once, these shirts looked like they might actually fit him instead of swallowing him whole in the image of something that he was not.

Settling on a soft, cornflower blue and floral patterned top, he walked back to the counter.

Just once couldn’t be that much a sin.

“Ah… may I have a room, to try this? I’m really not sure of my size…” Armin started, and the girl smiled.

“Of course. Might I suggest that the large will probably be a little big on you. If you want a loose but secure fit I would try the medium, or even the small for a true fit.” 

She set into the rack and retrieved the two sizes quickly, and Armin was grateful because he didn’t have the slightest clue about how these clothing sizes worked and that might have blown his cover if the other didn’t seem more concerned with making a sale. He thanked the girl when she handed him the hangers, and with that she left him alone with his thoughts again.

Alone in the space now, he found his fingers trembling a little as he stripped off his ill-fitting shirt and picked up the new garment, size small. It felt soft to the touch, and the colors seemed even prettier up close somehow. Once he slid it over his head, he found it was even prettier on- somehow it fit all of the right places that he didn’t even know it could fit. It felt _good_.

He had to have it. Scripture, Sunday services and his parents be dammed. They weren’t here to stop him, anyway. This time when the thought crossed his mind, he felt a guilty sort of relief.

He changed shirts again with trembling hands and then walked hurriedly out of the dressing room, bringing the top to the counter. 

“Fits like a dream, doesn’t it? I’ve found the Sweet Seashine brand to be just lovely.” She chattered as she rang him up, and he nodded. 

“It really is.”

“As much as we’re not supposed to encourage people to wait for sales, I’ve found the Sweet Seashine pieces come down to really reasonable prices if you can be patient. And since you’re one of the smaller sizes you’ll probably be in luck, those seem to sell the slowest here, for whatever reason.” She shrugged. “You might just want to keep checking back if you find that you’re partial to them.”

Armin had to admit that she was a good salesperson. He had said he was only going to come once…

“Maybe I will.” Armin decided, telling himself more than her, and she smiled.

“We’ll look forward to seeing you.”

______________________

Shirt folded neatly into his bag as he stepped out into the street again, Armin felt a confusing mixture of nervous and liberated.

He felt like he was breaking some sort of unspoken rule, but there was no one there to enforce it. This was what he realized as he walked and absolutely no one turned to look at him or side-eye him with contempt, and it was refreshing.

Maybe sorting out his head wouldn’t be so bad after all, when he got to it.

He pushed the thought aside again and set into a bakery with the smell of sweetness wafting out from it for a treat. 

As he ate at one of the outside tables, he decided that maybe he would look at a few more shops for good measure (and maybe find something to buy that he could actually show his grandfather), and then set down to the shore.

Time passed quicker than expected. He found a bookstore that he spent way too long in and by the time he came back out the sun was lower on the horizon. At least the beach should be less full then, Armin reminded himself, as he bypassed parts of the street that he would have to explore another day to get to the coast.

When he took his first few steps onto the sand and got his first eyeful of ocean, he was struck.

It was big. It was blue. But most importantly, it was _beautiful_. It roared in his ears as he thought this, no longer as dull as it was from far away last night, and the smell of salt and cool air was even more potent. He walked along the water’s edge, the sea lapping at his shoes as he did. They would probably smell like it when he returned home for the night. He didn’t care right then.

He noted that there weren’t any beach goers left where he was walking, and wondered how no one seemed to care enough to witness the glow of the setting sun on the ocean surface. He couldn’t help but laugh at them. Sometimes people didn’t appreciate what they had right in front of them, he supposed.

At least, not most people.

He realized there was a boy not more than a few yards away from him, also staring out at the sun preparing to sink into the sea. The light spilled over his face, illuminating his bronze skin and his bright green eyes, and Armin couldn’t help but notice that this boy was absolutely gorgeous.

He could deal with why he thought that later. For now, he couldn’t take his eyes off of him.

It was as though the other boy felt his gaze and turned to meet his eyes, which startled but also pleased Armin in ways he didn’t know it could please him.

“It’s really something, isn’t it?” The brunette asked, and Armin couldn’t help but beam at him and nod. He understood too, it seemed.

“Yeah… it’s really amazing. I’ve never seen anything like it before.” The blonde beamed.

“Yeah? You’re not from around here are you?” The other replied, raising a brow.

“No.” Armin smiled sheepishly. “How could you tell?”

“Well, for starters,” the other grinned a little, “most people don’t stand in the way of the tide with shoes on.”

Armin blushed and averted his eyes for a moment, and the other boy gestured for him to come closer.

“Hey, it’s alright. They’ll dry; they’ll just smell a little. Here, taking them off might help.”

“Yeah?” Armin asked tentatively, when he realized the other was trying to help. He took a few steps closer, noticing that the other boy already had his own shoes in his hands the whole time.

“Yeah. When they’re wet and you walk back up the dunes sand likes to stick, and it’s not very comfortable. If you let them dry out a little down here then the walk back up is easier. Here,” The boy stepped out of the tide and set his shoes a short distance behind him, pointing to the spot next to him, “just take them off and let them be for a while.”

With a shy smile, Armin stepped back out of the water and slipped his shoes off, one foot at a time, wobbling a little from the weight of his backpack shifting on his shoulder. When he almost toppled over on one side he let out a startled yelp, and when he reached his arms out to try and catch his balance he caught the brunette’s arm instead.

“You’re okay.” The other assured him warmly, letting Armin put his weight on him, and Armin felt himself blushing again. This time, though, was different from earlier. A lot different.

“Thanks.” Armin offered quietly, finally managing to steady himself, and the brunette smiled. 

“No problem. Hey, have you ever watched the sun set on the sea?” He asked, shifting to sit down on the sand in front of their shoes.

“No… I’m _really_ not from around here.” Armin giggled a little, sitting down next to the other and getting comfortable.

“Oh? So where _are_ you from? I’m Eren, by the way.” The brunette finally introduced himself, extending his hand to take.

Armin took it and felt something both wonderful and frightening travel through his body, traveling up from where their hands met.

“I’m Armin— from Tennessee.” He added the last part when he remembered, and Eren grinned a sparkling grin.

“Hi Armin from Tennessee. I’m just Eren from just here.”

Armin still hadn’t let go of Eren’s hand, and ended up squeezing a little tighter.

“I like just here so far. I like just Eren, too.”

“Good. I like Armin too, I’m just not sure how I feel about Tennessee.”

“Don’t like Tennessee.” Armin laughed. “There’s none of this here.”

And Eren thought Armin meant the sunset, and maybe he did but maybe he also meant literally everything else.

“I bet there’s not. Hey, that can’t be comfortable.” Eren let go of his hand and then gestured to Armin’s shoulders, and it took Armin a moment to realize that Eren probably meant his backpack and not Tennessee.

He froze for a moment, remembering that the very much secret shirt he’d bought that was still sitting in his bag, and suddenly it felt like walls had eyes again even if the walls weren’t even there right then and oh god what if Eren _knew_ and then thought he was weird and then didn’t want to talk to him anymore—

“Wanna just set it with the shoes? It’ll be safe from the tide.” Eren explained, and Armin nodded vigorously.

“Yeah! Haha, I almost forgot all about it.” He said, voice full of jittering nervousness, shrugging off his bag and then setting it out of Eren’s reach.

“I could tell. You looked very focused. I can’t blame you, seeing this for the first time must be amazing.”

“Do you remember the first time you saw this?” Armin steered the subject away from his bag, and Eren shrugged.

“Probably not. My family’s been here my whole life. I just know it’s always been something special.” 

“It really is.” Armin agreed, “I’ve only been here a day and a half now, and it’s grown on me already.”

“Oh? So how much have you seen?” Eren asked, and Armin looked up at him from under his bangs.

“Probably not anything at all, compared to everything that’s here. Just enough to know that I like it.”

“So you have a lot of exploring left to do, don’t you? Would you be interested in a guided tour?” The brunette offered almost coyly, and suddenly Armin’s discomfort melted away enough that he giggled. It made him ridiculously giddy that Eren would offer such a thing, especially only having known him for all of five minutes.

That was good. He wanted to know him longer.

“Are you the tour guide?”

“I might possibly be.”

“Then I might possibly say yes.” Armin nodded, and Eren smiled.

“Great. I can meet you after my shift tomorrow, if that’s okay. I get off at two.”

“Oh? Where do you work?” Armin asked.

“Braus’s Chilled Confections. It’s an ice-cream place with some other stuff, it’s just in town. I might be biased, but I think they’re the best. Their stuff is homemade.”

“Wow. That sounds delicious.” 

“Stop by tomorrow. I can get you some free probably, just keep it between us.” The brunette urged with a sly grin.

“I’ll be looking forward to it.”

And he was. This might just mean he made a friend. It felt more exhilarating than friend making was probably supposed to, though, even for someone with not a lot of friends. It felt like there were butterflies in his chest and in his throat, and if he opened his mouth too wide they would just fly out everywhere and _maybe_ a few would flap fast enough to mimic his racing heart.

He would deal with that later.

The sun continued setting slowly, and Armin couldn’t help but think it made Eren look almost golden this time and _he said he would deal with that later—_

“So tell me more about yourself, Armin.” The brunette started again, turning to face him a little more.

“Okay. But you have to tell me where to start, and then you have to tell me more about you.” Armin smiled softly, and Eren grinned widely back.

“Deal. Okay, favourite ice cream flavors. Ready, set, go.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"I don’t know if there’s such a thing as good people, I mean. But I think, maybe, some people are good for others. And so if I’m good for you then I’m happy."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Hello again everyone. Thank you for all of the kudos and reviews, I especially loved hearing your thoughts on the story thus far! I'm sorry for the delay in getting this chapter up; I've rarely been able to keep a consistent update schedule. I can, however, assure you with certainty that I plan to see this through to the end if you'll bear with me. Without any further ado, we will return to our scheduled eremin programming._

When Eren got up the next morning he only hit snooze once before getting out of bed this time, finding himself eager to start the day- or rather, make it to two.

Thoughts about the night before swam through his head as made his way to the bathroom and then brushed his teeth, and he found himself excited even in the early morning hours about the prospect of meeting Armin to hang out more after his shift. It had been a while since he had felt this enthusiastic about something, and he had to admit that it was a good feeling. 

It probably felt like what seeing the ocean for the first time felt like.

He made his way back out of the bathroom to find his uniform, and as he was dressing he wondered if maybe he shouldn’t pack a change of clothes in his backpack. Changing in the bathroom wasn’t ideal, but dragging Armin all the way back to his house to change seemed even more cumbersome. After all, Armin had agreed to a tour of the town, not of Eren’s neighborhood.

Realizing that he should get ready to be out for a while if he was indeed meeting Armin at work, Eren picked out some shorts and a shirt to throw in his bag and retrieved his instant camera off of his desk. He almost always bought that camera along with him. He had the digital camera his father had got him for his birthday, sure, and there were times and places where he appreciated that… but the instant camera was his prized possession. There was something obscenely satisfying about being able to hold the pictures he’d taken in his hands, and even if they were sometimes less precise than his digital work he felt that they had more heart.

And maybe he could even give some to Armin, if he actually managed to take any good ones today. He had been in a slump for a little while this year, but maybe today would be different. After all, it was going to be quite a change from his normal routine. Maybe this was what he needed. 

Armin showed up at just the right time, it seemed.

He smiled, thinking about the blonde as he tucked the camera and some film carefully into his bag. Maybe he should text him to see if they were still on. Admittedly, though, Armin didn’t seem like he would flake out on him. He’d even texted him for the address of the shop when he’d gotten home the night before. It occurred to Eren that maybe he just wanted an excuse to talk to the other boy again. 

He didn’t often feel such a yearning to be near someone. He found most people to be more effort to be around than they were worth, especially since he rarely found anyone able to reciprocate what he would consider friendship. Usually they weren’t even all that friendly, just entitled and self-centered, and Eren had found the best way to deal with them was to only give them as much respect as they give him and not an ounce more.

His father had called it childish. Eren called it self-respect. 

Armin wasn’t like the others, though. He was curious and genuine, and Eren wanted more. He wished it could be two in the afternoon already.

That wouldn’t be for a while though, and if he wanted to talk to Armin sooner he would have to initiate it. It wouldn’t be all that strange if he did, he supposed. Armin had just moved here, after all, and he would probably appreciate the friendly gesture.

Deciding that was a good enough excuse (although if it wasn’t he would have surely found another one) he dashed off a quick ‘good morning’ to the blonde before pocketing his phone, slinging his bag over his shoulder, and setting out of his room to start the day.

______________________

Armin started the day with a smile on his face when he woke to a text from Eren.

It both reminded him that last evening had really happened, and that Eren was still interested in him. That wasn’t a feeling that he was used to, but it was a feeling he wanted to hold onto as long as he possibly could.

He felt a little guilty when he realized that Eren had sent that message almost three hours ago, and he probably seemed like he’d left him hanging. He hurriedly sent a message back, apologizing for the late reply and hoping Eren wouldn’t decide that he wasn’t worth the effort.

Eren’s reply came not even two minutes later.

_Hey it’s ok. I figured you wouldn’t be up that early after I sent it, I wouldn’t be if I wasn’t working haha- we still on for today?_

Armin smiled again, pleased by the warm reply and the offer being extended again.

_Of course! I’ll get ready and head down in a little bit._

He read over his text, chewed his lip a little, and then added tentatively:

_I’m looking forward to seeing you again_

He hit send, and nervously set the phone down to go and get ready and maybe get some breakfast if his stomach would stop churning.

He hadn’t even walked away far enough from the phone before the screen lit up again.

_Same here!_

And although that stopped his stomach from feeling sick, it made his knees weak for reasons that he would deal with later.

______________________

Nervously checking his phone GPS every few steps, Armin made his way down the main drag to find Eren.

Even eating breakfast with his grandfather (who seemed thrilled that Armin had, by some miracle, made a friend already) and walking a little slower than usual, Armin found that by the time he was in front of the shop he was still almost an hour early. He wondered if he should go somewhere else for a while, not bother Eren while he was supposed to be working… but Eren had also mentioned being able to give him some samples, and Armin supposed he couldn’t do that after his shift.

Maybe that meant he would be welcomed.

He gingerly tested the door, the bell on top of it startling him, and he was greeted by a very enthusiastic Eren.

“Armin!” The brunette grinned, making his way to the part of the counter closer to the door. “It’s great to see you.”

“It’s great to see you too.” Armin smiled shyly, cheeks feeling a little warmer than they were probably supposed to. “I’m sorry I’m a little early.”

“Hey no, that’s okay. That’s good actually. Did you want some samples?” Eren offered, and Armin nodded.

“Only if it won’t get you in trouble.”

“It won’t. Sasha’s cool.” Eren said as he readied some cups, and Armin raised a brow. 

“Sasha?”

“Here!” A voice called before Armin’s thoughts even had time to process, a girl with a glossy, chestnut colored ponytail emerging from the “staff only” area with a new tub of ice cream. She set the tub down behind the glass counter, and then reached over it to extend her hand. “You must be Armin. Eren’s been talking about you all morning.”

“Shut up.” Eren huffed at her, his own cheeks a little pink upon the declaration, “You’re the one who kept asking questions.”

Armin giggled a little and reached out to shake Sasha’s hand, trying to steady himself from the quivering and jumping of his heart in his chest upon hearing said information. 

“It’s nice to meet you Sasha.” Armin greeted, and although he wanted badly to ask her more about what Eren sounded like talking about him he didn’t want to risk pushing Eren away from him.

“Anyway,” Eren interrupted, before Armin could think about it any further, “what did you want to try, Armin?”

“There’s a lot here.” Armin started once he let go of Sasha’s hand, “I’ll need a minute to look.”

“Take your time.”

There was an impressive selection of flavours, especially for a small family owned shop, and admittedly Armin thought most of them did look pretty good…

“What are your recommendations?” He asked the two behind the counter after a minute, and Sasha grinned.

“Sea-Salt Caramel Cluster is mine.” She responded, scooping out what looked like a serving a little too generous to be a sample before handing the cup and a spoon to Armin.

“Oh- thank you so much!” 

“Armin, that’s a hard question.” Eren followed jokingly, starting to scoop flavors out of a few containers. “It really does depend on the day.”

“You don’t look like you’re lost for ideas.” Armin pointed out, taking his first bite from Sasha’s sample and offering a small hum of approval, and Eren grinned.

“I have some go-to flavours.” He said, scooping out a sixth sample and then carrying the cups to a small table next to the counter. “Here. You tell me if I have a good line up.”

“Wait, before _Eren_ tries to outdo me,” Sasha made a face at Eren, but then broke into giggles when Eren mirrored her, “what did you think of the caramel?”

“It was delicious! I would definitely come back for that.”

“Good! That was actually the first flavour my folks ever made, and it’s kind of a legend around here. I bet Eren will show you the ropes with everything else, but consider this a Braus-styled welcome to town, Armin.”

“Thank you.” Armin’s voice softened. It wasn’t anything at all, really, not anything more than some ice cream anyway, but the feeling of being welcomed into something instead of pushed out of it was something profound that Armin wasn’t yet used to.

He did his best to compose himself before either of them noticed anything was off- if he was just now making friends he didn’t want to scare them off with something as absurd as his own unchecked emotions.

Lucky for him the subject of the conversation shifted quickly.

“No problem, Armin. Hey Eren, I swear I’ll be back by the end of the shift but Dad asked me to pick some supplies from town. Can I leave you two here and trust you not to burn the place down?”

“It would take quite a feat of something for someone to actually _burn an ice cream shop_ down to the ground, Sasha.” 

“If anyone could it would be you.” Sasha teased. “I’ll be back.”

“Cool- see you around two.”

“Yep- let me know what you think of Eren’s picks, Armin!” Sasha waved as she stepped out of the shop, leaving the two alone together.

“ _Now_ you can tell me what you think.” Eren declared, walking towards the side of the counter that Armin was near.

“I’ll start here.” 

Armin held up a cup, and Eren nodded.

“Good choice- that one’s chocolate-espresso bean blend.” 

“Is this your favourite from here? You said you liked anything chocolate last night.” Armin smiled, trying the first spoonful, and Eren grinned.

Admittedly, it pleased him that Armin had remembered. He was clearly worth sharing his thoughts with, seeing as he listened to Eren so closely on even something small.

“Eren?”

The brunette shook himself out of his thoughts to respond.

“Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows?”

“Eren!” Armin half whined and half giggled, and Eren smiled.

“I’ll tell you after you try them all. I don’t want to sway you.” 

“Fair enough.” The blonde agreed, working on finishing up the cup as Eren scooped what looked like a sample of how own to snack.

“So what do you think?”

“It’s delicious. They definitely don’t have any flavours like this where I’m from, and I’m glad I’m somewhere that I can come back for more of this. I might have to get a scoop of this one if I have room when I’m done.” Armin decided, looking back down at the other flavours and realizing Eren had snuck him another sample.

“Eren!” Armin squeaked, and Eren couldn’t help but notice that he liked the way that Armin said his name.

“What? You should be an informed consumer.” Eren teased, and Armin feigned a pout. 

The bell on the door ringing interrupted them.

“Yaeger!” A tall boy with two-toned hair called upon entering the shop. “How ‘bout a cone on the house?”

“Fucking christ.” Eren muttered under his breath as he gave Armin an apologetic glance, then turned to the other boy as he walked to the cash register. “What do you want, Jean?”

“I don’t even get a hello? Fuck man no wonder you have no friends.” The other boy scoffed at Eren, then glanced over at the blonde in the corner. “Is it free sample day or something?”

“Jean, you have ordered every flavour in this store more than enough times to know what they are. Order or get out.”

“Are you hearing this?” Jean asked, glancing at Armin, and Armin froze like a deer in way too bright headlights _because what was he even supposed to say that wouldn’t end badly—_

Luckily Eren came to his rescue.

“Leave him alone, Jean, the fuck are you doing trying to drag him into this? He doesn’t want to deal with your bullshit.” Eren snapped at the other boy. “Are you going to order something or not?”

“Psh, I can’t even start a friendly conversation with the kid? What, are you his body guard or something now?” Jean sneered, and Eren glanced at Armin.

“Want him to leave you alone?” The brunette asked, and Armin nodded timidly because he didn’t want to be involved with anything that could possibly kill his friendship with Eren before it even really started and admittedly he had to agree that he didn’t appreciate the other boy’s introduction very much and if that was what he was always like then it didn’t seem at all like a loss if the other- John, Eren said his name was- did end up hating him for siding with Eren—

And then Eren couldn’t hate him.

“See? He doesn’t even _want_ to talk to you, especially not when you pull shit like that. Now will you just order or I’ll have to kick you out for harassing the other customers.”

"He didn’t even say anything.” Jean argued, “Jesus, this isn’t going to turn into something like with Mikasa is it?”

Armin briefly wondered who Mikasa was as he averted his eyes from the situation, and then realized his ice cream might get warm soon and he should really eat it before it melted and Eren thought he didn’t appreciate it.

“Well it might just, considering that Mikasa didn’t want to talk to you about that and he clearly indicated that he doesn’t want to bother with you over this.” Eren gestured to the blonde, now working through his samples again. “You leave him alone now.”

Jean looked back over at Armin and addressed him again.

“Well, I guess Eren has decided I can’t make your acquaintance today. Maybe another time.” He declared, and Armin shrunk back into his chair. 

“Hey, no hard feelings though. You must be pretty fucking special, whatever your name is,” Jean continued and looked back to Eren, “if Yaeger is so worried about you realizing that there are better people than him to hang around in this shit-hole town.”

“You fucking—” Eren started, almost sending his fist to meet Jean’s jaw until the door jingled.

Entire arm trembling with raw fury, Eren did his best to set his fist back at his side, look away from Jean and look back up at the newcomer.

“Hello and welcome to Braus’s Chilled Confections. What can I get you?” 

He ended up letting the newcomer order before Jean. And then the woman who came in after that with her three kids. 

And Armin was on edge until the other boy finally ordered a scoop and left the shop, letting him be with Eren and the other customers in peace.

“Hey, I’m sorry about that.” Eren offered gently when he finally returned to Armin’s side after everyone had been served. “I guess that wasn’t really how you wanted to start your time around here.”

“It’s okay.” Armin smiled, “I started it with meeting you, really. And that was a good way to start. For the record, about what he said… I don’t think I’ve met anyone better than you to hang out with here, especially not if that’s the competition.” The blonde offered, trying to comfort Eren because he did seem distressed by John’s earlier statement if Eren’s reaction was anything to judge by.

Eren’s smile spread from ear to ear, and it seemed that Armin’s attempt at comfort had been a success.

“I’ll make sure I don’t give you a reason to think otherwise, then.”

And Armin couldn’t explain why his cheeks were flushed from that.

“I am still sorry you ended up in the middle of that, though. It was completely uncalled for, and if he would just _fuck off and stop trying to get free shit from me—_ ”

“Does he do this a lot?” Armin asked, and Eren huffed.

“More than I’d like. He thinks we’re supposed to be friends because we hang out with the same people sometimes.”

“Friends?” Armin snickered, and Eren laughed with him.

“Well, his version of friends, which basically means he tries to be nice to you if he thinks you’ll be useful, and then when you don’t play into his game he throws a fit because he’s actually a loudmouthed, self-centered, entitled _shit-bag_. Then again, that implies he’s not already kind of like that all the time.”

Armin laughed a little louder, and Eren beamed from the validation.

“Don’t worry about him, though. I recommend just letting me handle all that mess and you just focus on all of the good things around here. There are a lot, trust me. Jean’s definition of a shit-hole is really misguided.”

“I don’t think anywhere with an ocean and home-made ice cream could possibly be as bad as he thinks it is.” Armin commented with a smile, and Eren nodded.

“Agreed. And hey, I found you here too.” Eren winked, and it startled the blonde because he didn’t quite understand how he was supposed to process that. It made him feel like someone on a boat without sea legs, but for some reason he didn’t want to go back to land if Eren was on deck with him.

Eren wondered if Armin noticed he was blushing, and he would almost point out how good it looked on him if it weren’t for the fact that Armin had quite enough of being put on the spot for one day. Instead he shifted the conversation back again.

“So what was your verdict on the ice cream? Do you want more?”

And if Armin said yes, he couldn’t be sure if it was to the ice cream or to the careful attention Eren was giving him while serving it. 

“I’ll buy a cone. Oh, and you had a really good set!” He added quickly, not wanting Eren to think he hadn’t been listening, “I’m not sure about what my favourite is yet because I liked them all, but I think today I want more of the cheesecake chunk ice-cream.”

“Good choice.” Eren grinned, scooping a generous helping out from behind the case and packing it gently into the cone. He handed the treat to the blonde, rang him up, and then promptly paid out of his own pocket for Armin’s cone before Armin could even get his wallet out.

“Eren!” Armin squeaked, cheeks warm, and Eren just smiled.

“Hey, it’s on the house. I’m sorry today got off to a rough start. Here’s to better ones, if you’ll stick around.”

“Eren,” Armin repeated, though much softer this time, “you don’t need to buy my friendship; you already have it. And anyway, it’s not like you have anyone else to compete with.”

“But you treat me well so I want to do that for you, too. There aren’t a lot of people out there who are worth that.” Eren explained, and then furrowed his brow when Armin’s words finally sunk in. “You got friends back home right? They’re competition.”

He grinned, meaning to tease, but Armin started to work on his ice cream cone and shook his head. 

“No. I told you, you don’t have competition. I mean I really… don’t… have anyone like you.” Armin managed to stammer out, wondering if maybe that had been just a little too much information and maybe that would be what put Eren off finally.

Eren frowned.

“How? You’re good at listening, and you have good things to say, and just… I don’t know. I like being around you. You’re a good person, Armin.”

And Armin’s relief at Eren not being disgusted was quickly overtaken by dread of Eren finding out he probably wasn’t half of what he thought he was, and a part of him felt like he would be awful if he withheld the truth from Eren, felt like he would be awful if he didn’t tell Eren _no, no I’m not good, I’m not strong enough and not devout enough and I write too much poetry and press too many flowers and I have no idea how to gut a fish and I don’t even want to—_

“I don’t know about that.” Armin started, and then hesitated and decided not to push the subject any further at the risk of possibly giving Eren the chance to agree with all the ugly thoughts in his head. “I don’t know if there’s such a thing as good people, I mean. But I think, maybe, some people are good for others. And so if I’m good for you then I’m happy.”

He averted his eyes, almost worried that somehow Eren was going to chastise him for showing too much emotion and using too many words for a boy to be using, but Eren just offered a dazzling smile in return. 

It was the strangest way to take a compliment that Eren had ever seen, but there was something charming about how Armin had went about it. Quite frankly Eren preferred the overt honesty to the empty smiles and laughs that he was usually met with, because somehow it just seemed so much more authentic. Armin felt real, more real than anything else he’d had in front of him, and Eren wondered if maybe that was a part of what drew him to the blonde in the first place.

“You know, I never thought of it like that but that makes a lot of sense.” The brunette finally responded after some thought. “And I think I like that better, anyway. So does that mean you won’t hold any fights I get in with anyone else against me, just as long as I don’t fight with you?”

Eren grinned slyly, and Armin giggled.

“Do you fight a lot?” The blonde asked, and Eren shrugged.

“Only when it’s necessary. That just so happens to be a lot.” He deadpanned, and Armin smiled.

“I guess that’s fair. I won’t hold that against you as long as your fights aren’t with me, then.” _Because already Armin couldn’t take the idea of fighting with the first person who had showed him so much kindness-_

“Then maybe I can be a good person for you, too.” Eren followed, and Armin found himself peeking up at the other boy through his bangs.

“I think you already are.” He replied softly, and what he wanted to say was _I know you already are_ but his shyness choked him out before he could form the words. He wondered if Eren knew, though, and he hoped to whatever god he may or may not even believe in that Eren knew.

Maybe he could just show him instead.

______________________

Armin had finished his ice cream by the time Eren’s shift was over, and he waited patiently while Eren changed in the bathroom. Slacks and a thick polo shirt would be far too hot for Eren to wear outside in the midday sun, and definitely would not be suitable if they ended up walking along the water again. Armin would even remember to take his shoes off this time.

When Eren came back out to meet him, he had a camera strapped around his neck in addition to the backpack on his back, and Armin found himself thinking he hadn’t seen any camera quite like that before- at least, not outside of some old movies and some really pretentious blogs. Somehow the machine didn’t seem at all pretentious on Eren, though- Eren seemed ethereal enough to carry off such an iconic piece, and _is it weird to use adjectives like ethereal to describe your friend—_

“Ready to go?” The brunette asked, and Armin snapped out of his daze and nodded.

“Y-yeah! And that’s really cool, the camera I mean.” Armin offered, pointing at it, and Eren smiled fondly and offered Armin a hand up from his seat.

“It’s probably one of the best purchases I ever made.” Eren started as Armin took his hand. “It was hard to get a hold of, especially since these guys usually need to be refurbished before they can be used again, but there’s just something so satisfying about the pictures you can get with it. You can try it out if you want; the beach is a great place for pictures.” 

They started to walk out of the shop, and Armin noticed that his hand was still in Eren’s. The warmth was somehow welcome even in the summer heat, and Armin almost wanted to squeeze tighter- except that might make Eren let go, and he certainly didn’t want that.

“I would like that.” He finally replied, and Eren ended up squeezing his hand a little to make sure he had his attention.

“Yeah? We should probably go out while there’s some light then. Town will still be mostly open later because it’s getting towards tourist season, so I can show you around there then.”

“That sounds good.” The blonde agreed, and they continued to make their way to the dunes and onto the stretch of beach. 

There were more people on the sand in the mid-afternoon hours, and Armin almost felt strange having to share the space he met Eren on. He was sure that was petty, but as a group of girls walked by in bikinis Armin found himself tightening his grip on Eren’s hand.

“It’s busy today huh?” Armin asked, trying to distract himself from the (very confusing) bitter feeling welling up inside of him, and Eren laughed.

“Trust me you haven’t seen anything yet.” The brunette replied. “Tourist season is fucking insane. Don’t worry though, if you don’t like too many people around they usually start to leave the main stretch in the late afternoon. But for now I think I know a place you’d like.”

“Oh?” Armin raised a brow, and Eren started leading him away from the lifeguards and the colorful beach towels to walk further down the shore.

“I think you’ll like it. You’d probably like it even if you didn’t mind the people.” 

They walked a few more minutes (or at least that’s what it felt like, Armin wasn’t really keeping track while they talked) until they finally reached where the cliffs visible from the other end of the shore met the sand more fully. Armin recognized that he must have been closer to these cliffs when he met Eren as they walked along the side of it, and he stopped to admire a cove he hadn’t even noticed during their conversation last night.

“Neat isn’t it? It kind of blends in when it’s dark, but it’s really something. Maybe one day when we’re both better dressed for it we can explore inside of it.”

“You mean this wasn’t what you wanted to show me?” Armin asked.

“I mean, I wanted you to see it but I have something even better.” Eren explained, pulling Armin along with him again, and Armin followed curiously.

“Do I get a hint?”

“More rocks.”

“That could be a lot of things.” Armin half pouted, and Eren tugged him a little closer.

“Come on, we’re almost there.” The brunette encouraged, and Armin continued on with him until they reached a particularly long jetty.

“Woah.” Armin mouthed, unable to hear his soft exclamation over the waves crashing over the very furthest reaches of the rock, and Eren grinned.

“That’s not even the best part. Come’re.” The taller boy directed, letting go of the blonde and stepping onto a rock before extending his hand for Armin to take again.

Armin reached up and let his hand meet Eren’s again, pulling himself up with Eren’s help and then following him when he started down the length of the jetty. He stopped eventually, crouching on a particularly flat, sturdy rock, and Armin joined him.

“Look down.” Eren instructed, and when Armin did he was amazed.

The pool between the rocks was teeming with life, and Armin couldn’t help but beam.

“That is amazing!” He exclaimed, completely star struck, and when he turned his smile to Eren he wondered if he was seeing things when Eren’s cheeks pinkened. Maybe he was just getting suburned.

Or maybe Armin just looked really beautiful when he smiled like that and Eren couldn’t help but quickly reach for his camera and click the shutter so he could hold onto that moment where he was on the other end of that smile forever.

He was lucky his camera worked faster than Armin’s startled expression from the noise of the camera.

“Sorry.” Eren grinned sheepishly as the Polaroid printed. “It was a good picture.” Eren told the complete truth, and Armin was glad that if he was blushing that he could blame it on the sun this time.

“Let me see.” Armin asked, peeking over Eren’s shoulder, and Eren tilted the photograph so he could see it. They sat in peaceful silence as it developed, grateful that they weren’t deep enough to be where the waves were crashing as it did. As the picture became clearer and clearer, Eren was relieved to see that he had definitely caught Armin’s smile in the still.

“That’s also really amazing.” Armin commented. “I’ve never seen pictures like these before.”

“Do you want to take one?” Eren asked. “Once this develops more we can.”

“Yeah!” Armin smiled, and after another minute Eren placed the photograph in a safe place before carefully moving the camera strap to Armin’s neck. His fingers brushed the crook of it, and Armin shivered despite the heat. It felt like a rush of adrenaline running through him, and he wondered why he’d never felt that any other time he’d brushed against someone by accident in the halls of his old school or any time he’d shaken hands with someone in church.

“Here.” Eren started, getting behind him and placing his hands over Armin’s. He felt that rush again, particularly when Eren’s fingers tangled with his in an attempt to guide them to different parts of the camera.

“Here’s where you can change your shutter speed.” Eren started, tapping his finger over one of Armin’s. “This controls how fast your picture will take. And this,” Eren tapped another finger “is your aperture. This controls how wide your lens is open and how much light it lets in. I could explain a bunch of boring theory stuff, but just know that these need to work together so that your meter” Eren pointed elsewhere, “is balanced at the middle like this.”

“Okay.” Armin nodded, fiddling with the keys until he managed to balance the meter. He glanced over his shoulder for Eren’s approval and was almost nose-to-nose with him when Eren nodded.

“Good. Now look through that hole,” Eren tapped again, prompting Armin to bring the camera to his face, “and see what you want to take a picture of. If you move it too much you might have to refocus, but that’s okay. Just find something you really want to catch.”

Armin hummed in acknowledgement and shifted to face the trio of tide pools in front of him.

“And?”

“Hit the button.” Eren directed, and when Armin did Eren reached to catch the newly printed photo.

He held it in front of him and Armin, and they both waited as it developed. Armin was almost nervous that he’d wasted a photo until slowly the image started to show, and he grinned excitedly the clearer it got.

“It’s beautiful.” Eren commented. “You have a really good eye for this.”

“You’re just being nice.” Armin giggled giddily, and Eren shook his head.

“No, really. This is really nice. You should keep it, but I would be really proud of this if it were mine.”

Armin felt an unusual sense of pride, especially with Eren’s approval, and he leaned back against the brunette slightly.

“Thank you.” He offered softly, and Eren supported his weight against his chest as the photo continued on developing. It was a comfortable position, one of their hands still tangled together on Eren’s camera as Armin rested against him, and Eren rested his chin on Armin’s hair to get a better look at the photo.

“You know what we should do?” Eren asked once the photo almost looked stable enough to tuck away.

“What?”

“We should get a picture together.” He suggested. “You know, from the first day we really hung out together.”

“I would really like that.” Armin asked, almost reaching for his cell phone camera. 

Eren, on the other hand, tucked Armin’s picture safely away before taking his camera and wrapping it around his wrist. He turned the camera towards them and fiddled with the controls for a minute before he was satisfied, and then held it out in front of them.

“You can do that without front focus?” Armin asked, phone still in hand.

“It takes some practice, and it’s not nearly as easy, but sometimes I do manage.” Eren commented. “Smile.”

And Armin did, and Eren clicked the shutter on the camera. Armin caught the picture when it printed, and Eren kept the camera where it was.

“One more time.” He directed, and realizing Eren intended to give one to him Armin smiled a little wider when he clicked the shutter again.

While they each held one as the photos developed, Armin found himself thinking that they looked good together. The thought came to him as quickly and as easily as falling asleep after a long day, and for once instead of trying to jerk himself awake and away from the notion he let himself succumb to the feeling. He could deal with anything that came after that later. For now, all he knew was that they looked good together.

It might have surprised Armin to know that Eren thought so, too.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He thought back to the way Eren looked under the warmth of the setting sun and thought that at least, if it came down to it, he could say he saw god at least once before he died._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not giving up on this thing. It is getting written. Here is the next update, thank you for your patience if you stuck around and waited and if you're new here, welcome.

It seemed like time wasn’t real while they were sitting out there on the jetty together.

 

The sun moved in the sky and logically Armin knew that meant they had probably been out there for hours, but despite the fact that usually he would be exhausted by being around people for that long all he wanted was to stay there with Eren longer. At one point he even found himself thinking he would be happy if they just stayed out there together and never made their way back.

 

They took pictures whenever they saw something exciting, and they did that until they’d gone through the last film pack Eren had in his bag. After that they just sat and watched, talking to each other about anything and everything, and the ease with which they could talk to one another made it feel like they had known each other forever.

 

Maybe they were supposed to, Armin found himself thinking. Maybe he’d been cheated out of spending his early life with this boy by his parents’ refusal to come and visit his Grandfather. The thought made him bitter.

 

Maybe it was for the better they were gone, then.

 

The thought felt cruel, but Armin found himself thinking that it was crueler to keep him in a place where he didn’t have any fucking friends for the first sixteen years of his life-

 

“Hey space cadet. You okay there?” The other boy asked gently. Eren must have read the sadness in his eyes, because Armin was dragged from his thoughts by the other boy’s voice. He found it in himself to smile for the brunette as he pulled himself together enough to respond.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking.” He responded, and Eren scooted a little closer.

 

“About?”

 

“Oh, nothing really. Just the move. And that I’m glad I met you.” Armin only half lied, smiling brightly as he said the last bit.

 

Eren grinned back, wrapping an arm around the blonde’s shoulders.

 

“I’m glad I met you too. I think that was what I needed.”

 

Armin smiled softly now, leaning into Eren’s side a little. He supposed he could have asked what Eren meant by that, but somehow he felt like maybe he already knew- maybe that’s what he was feeling right then.

 

“Yeah. Me too.”

 

There was a comfortable silence between them, filled with the static noise of waves crashing against the rocks. Armin drank in the feeling of Eren’s side being pressed up against him, trying to burn it into his memory just in case he wasn’t graced with the feeling again. It felt like only seconds had passed as he did, and yet before Armin knew it the sun was sinking behind the sea again.

 

“We should probably get off of the rocks before it gets too dark.” Eren broke the silence, rubbing Armin’s shoulder to punctuate his statement. “It’s not the best idea to be out this far in the dark.”

 

“Oh. Yeah.” Armin tried to agree, the disappointment of their time together coming to an end saturating his voice.

 

“We can come back some other time.” Eren tried to console him. “Maybe we can bring lunch or something.”

 

“I would like that.” Armin offered with a smile, and when Eren pulled him into a hug Armin couldn’t help but hug back even tighter.

 

“It’s a date, then.” The brunette declared, and Armin wasn’t sure why his face felt warm.

 

“Can’t wait.” He finally managed, and Eren squeezed once more and pressed their cheeks together a little before moving back and adjusting his backpack so that he could stand up. He offered his hand to help Armin up, which Armin accepted gratefully. He stood, face to face with Eren, and was startled when his stomach managed to growl loudly enough that the waves didn’t completely mask it.

 

“… We never had lunch, did we?” Eren asked, and Armin shook his head sheepishly.

 

“I guess I got filled up on ice-cream and didn’t think about it for a while… wait, but what’s your excuse?” Armin pouted at Eren, realizing that Eren had probably eaten even less than he did.

 

Eren grinned.

 

“I was having a good time with you and I didn’t want to ruin a good moment.” He answered.

 

“It’s been hours.” Armin only half scolded him, his giddy smile betraying him. There was something incredibly satisfying about realizing that Eren, too, probably hadn’t wanted their time together to end any sooner than it had to.

 

“So? No one died.” Eren smiled, setting off down the rocks back to shore and gesturing for Armin to follow him.

 

“I like that.” Armin commented, the saying appealing to his macabre sense of humor.

 

“Yeah?” Eren asked, having to raise his voice as the waves broke against the rocks they were walking over.

 

“Yeah.”

They continued to walk, Eren thinking about how he started using the colloquialism. He thought about the nine-year-old boy sitting alone in the waiting room of the ER, afraid of being left for forgotten in the stiff chair set against the wall. Eren supposed that really maybe it was abandonment, not death, that the boy must have been afraid of, but that didn’t make nearly as jaunty a quip for these situations.

 

A knot formed in his throat at the realization.

 

“Do you want to get dinner?” Eren asked when their feet met the sand again, trying to quell the nervous ache building up in his ribs.

 

Armin looked surprised, and Eren wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad one.

 

“I mean, if you didn’t already have plans. I guess your parents- fuck, wait you just moved in with your Grandpa right, shit that’s right your parents are in Tennessee… uh-“ Eren stumbled over his words, now worried that he’d came on a little strong and _fuck_ maybe Jean was right he really wasn’t used to this making friends thing-

 

His fears were quelled when Armin reached out to catch his hand.

 

“Hey.” Armin offered gently, trying to soothe him. “I would really like it if we got dinner. I’d like that a lot.”

 

“Yeah?” Eren asked almost breathlessly, and Armin smiled and nodded.

 

“Yeah. I was just surprised that I could tell Grandpa that I’m going to be out a little later than expected.”

 

“Is that okay?” Eren asked, and Armin nodded.

 

“If he wasn’t so nice I would think he didn’t want me here, but I think he just wants me to get out of the house so I’ll like the place as much as he does. I think I like it more and more- anyway, what I meant was I’m sure that he won’t mind.” Armin explained. “I’m just going to call him and let him know… maybe once we get back to the street. I don’t know if he could even hear me out here.”

 

Eren laughed.

 

“Yeah, the water doesn’t do much for the phone line. Sometimes reception’s kind of bad too.” Eren admitted. “It would probably be even worse if we didn’t have a town down this part of the coastline.”

 

“Pfft. You think this is bad,” Armin smiled, “try farmland in Tennessee.”

 

“Coupla’ cows hinder cell service that much?” Eren asked, and the blonde giggled.

 

“You’ve never seen a real farm, have you?” Armin asked, and Eren shrugged.

 

“Guess I wouldn’t know until I saw one.” He replied, and Armin gingerly reached out to rub his shoulder.

 

“Well, it’s not really that worth seeing anyway. Not like this is, anyway.” He assured the other, and Eren turned to catch his eyes.

 

“I’m sure anywhere where you came from can’t be entirely bad- it had you, after all.” Eren grinned, and as glad as Armin was that the land didn’t have him anymore he couldn’t help but flush pink and smile shyly at the comment.

 

“It did.” He replied. _It_ did _. Once._

 

Armin wondered if the exchange meant that maybe this counted as a date, too. If only he was brave enough to ask- alas, though, brave would mean acknowledging the thing he only caught out of the corner of his eye, the same thing that cast him out from a place he was slowly realizing wasn’t home at all.

 

He was probably over thinking the other boy’s words, anyway, he thought as they finally made it back to the edge of the main street.

 

* * *

 

 

The light was almost completely gone from the sky by the time Armin managed to call his grandpa, pick a restaurant from the ten that Eren rattled off when he’d asked where was good to eat, and sit down at a table. It was lucky that there were lanterns along the edge of the outdoor tables, because without them reading the menu would have been incredibly difficult.

 

“Seeing anything you like?” Eren asked as they read.

 

“I haven’t even finished the first page yet.” Armin responded, and Eren snickered.

 

“You’re supposed to savor the food, not the menu.” He teased, and Armin stuck his tongue out.

 

“I’m savoring it in words.” The blonde replied facetiously, and then continued to look through his choices.

 

After a little (a lot) longer than it should have taken him, Armin finally managed to decide on an order for himself. After calling their waiter back and placing their orders, Armin and Eren settled in to enjoy each other’s company in peace while they waited for their food.

 

“So did you do any photography before you got here?” Eren asked the blonde. “You have a really good eye for it.”

 

Armin grinned and blushed.

 

“Not really. I mean, my mom used to have an old digital Kodak and sometimes I took pictures for them when they had friends over, and my cell phone has a camera… but nothing like that. And they weren’t really good pictures, anyway.”

 

“Hey, don’t sell yourself short.” Eren scolded gently. “I’m sure they were good. What I saw from you today tells me that- and that you’re pretty modest about it.”

 

The butterflies were back in Armin’s stomach.

 

“You’re really sweet.” Armin commented, the honest words feeling foreign coming from his mouth because _boys aren’t supposed to say things like that to boys_ — but the look on Eren’s face made it worth it. He savored what he thought was a dust of pink on the boy’s cheeks as he continued.

 

“And anyway, at least the ones I took for my parents I’m sure aren’t much. It’s hard to take a good picture when the only objective is ‘see how many of mom and dad’s church friends can fit in the frame’.”

 

“Uck. Point taken.” Eren grinned. “But I’d love to see the ones you took on your own sometime.”

 

“Sure. And I’d love to take more with you. That film’s expensive, isn’t it? I can pitch in.” Armin offered.

 

“You don’t need to do that.” Eren assured him. “I liked having the company. And I wouldn’t mind showing you a thing or two about analog cameras, it might even be good for me too.”

 

“If you’re going to go to all of that trouble then I’m definitely pitching in.” Armin replied, determined, and Eren smiled warmly.

 

“You are not taking no for an answer are you?”

 

“Nope.” He smiled coquettishly, and Eren reached into his bag to pull out an empty film box. He reached across the table to hand it to Armin and their fingers brushed.

 

“Well, here’s for the one that this camera takes. Sometimes it’s hard to tell, so remember to look at the numbers under the name too- you really don’t have to do this.” Eren re-iterated, and Armin took the box.

 

“I want to. Consider it a gift.”

 

“ _You’re_ sweet.” Eren finally retorted, and this time it was Armin’s turn to blush. It felt like he didn’t have enough wind left in his lungs to make words, but luckily for him Eren spoke again before he had to.

 

“Oh, you probably want your photos too. Here…” Eren went into his bag and pulled out the neat, well-protected stack of photographs from earlier. “Do you think I could convince you to part with one?”

 

“You can have any of them that you want. It was your film, after all.” Armin replied, and Eren shook his head.

 

“You’re the photographer. I just wanted one to go with our selfie. You know, to remember the day.” Eren explained as he separated their photos out, taking extra care to keep the candid shot of Armin closest to him. He felt like that might have been one of the best he’d ever taken, and he certainly didn’t want to lose it.

 

“Makes sense- want to trade?” Armin asked.

 

“Sure. I’m not letting this one go, though.” Eren tapped the candid, and Armin knew he only meant the photo but it almost felt like Eren meant him—

 

“Aside from that though anything’s cool.” Eren continued, and Armin collected himself to reply.

 

“I’m good with anything, too.” Armin echoed, and with that Eren handed him his photos and Armin handed back his own.

 

Seeing Eren’s work fully developed was amazing. If Eren said Armin had an eye for photos, then Eren himself must have had a third one. The way he captured the scene with the lens was almost like a sort of magic, and Armin had a hard time narrowing it down to just one that he wanted from him. When he made it to the candid shot of himself he wondered how Eren managed to make him look beautiful, even in clothes that didn’t quite fit his frame, and he understood why Eren would be protective over the shot.

 

“I love these ones you took with the starfish.” Eren commented, setting three out in front of Armin, and Armin smiled.

 

“Those were easy, he wasn’t moving. I have no idea how you got the fish and the gulls.”

 

“Practice.” Eren replied. “You kind of have to know what they’re going to do before they do it and then get really, really lucky.”

 

“You must be really lucky, then.” Armin commented, finally picking a photo and passing Eren’s pile back while Eren selected his own.

 

“I was pretty down on it for a while.” Eren admitted, finally picking one of the triad and passing Armin’s back. “I think you’re the lucky one- things picked up when you came.”

 

“Maybe you should take me more often.” Armin tested, almost coyly, and Eren grinned.

 

“I think I’m going to have to.” He agreed, finally tucking the photos back into his bag. Armin took one last look at their selfie before carefully setting his own photos back into his bag.

 

“So what do you usually do with these, anyway?” Armin asked, not used to photos that he couldn’t store on his laptop.

 

“Put them places. I have a wall for some of them; keep a scrapbook for the others. Remember to use a glue that says ‘archival’ though or else the quality of the photo will degrade.”

 

“… You… scrapbook?” Armin raised a brow, and Eren nodded.

 

“Yeah. I’m sure it’s not as pretty as some peoples’, but I like to keep one for inspiration. Here, you can look at it if you like.” Eren replied, pulling a soft notebook with an elastic band out of his bag. Armin took the book, admiring the feeling of it in his hands, and then looked back up at Eren.

 

“Your parents- or, your friends don’t think that’s weird?” Armin asked, his only experience with scrap booking being getting scolded for it being too effeminate an activity.

 

“It’s not like dad’s ever around anyway- _I mean what_ \- and who cares about what anyone else thinks? If they think it’s dumb they don’t have to do it.” Eren shrugged.

 

“I’m sorry about your dad. I guess I never thought about it that way.” Armin replied, flipping through the pages gently and smiling at Eren’s annotations. He had nice hand writing. Not nice in that it was super clear, but nice in that it was artful, almost like a language of his own. “It does look fun.”

 

“Hey, don’t worry about it. He’s been like that for years anyway.” Eren brushed it off, deciding now wasn’t the time to unload about the issue. Armin looked like he needed to work through something of his own, anyway. “Anyway, it really is. It’s a good thing to do for reflection and inspiration and stuff. Did someone tell you it wasn’t?”

 

“… My parents said people would think it was weird for a boy to be doing “women’s hobbies” or something.”

 

“What the fuck.” Eren laughed. “Are we in 1949 or something?”

 

“I don’t think small town Tennessee ever moved out of it.” Armin grinned back.

 

“Well anyway, fuck what anyone else thinks. Why do they care so much? It’s not really anyone else’s fuckin’ business. It wasn’t even in 1949.”

 

“In towns that small anyone’s business is everyone’s business.” Armin grinned wildly, doing his best impression of the crazy neighbor lady who organized a church bake sale every other week.

 

“That sounds more like a cult than it does a town.” Eren scoffed, and Armin burst out into laughter.

 

“I guess it’s kinda similar in some ways.” Armin agreed when he collected himself. “The only real difference is that they follow a socially acceptable religion.”

 

“Yeesh. Well, I’m glad you’re not there anymore, that doesn’t sound like it was any good for you. That why you moved?” Eren asked.

 

“It was more that it became a necessity than it was about me trying to leave…” Armin started, unsure about if he _really_ wanted to launch into the _my parents are dead and my only known living relative is here_ talk right now, “I mean, I’m sure I would have gone out of my mind being there and wanted to run away eventually. But like, at the time, it just wasn’t really something that occurred to me because no one really ever questioned how things were, and I guessed that must have meant I was the problem. How can I explain it… have you ever heard the one about the frog in boiling water?”

 

“Like if you drop a frog into a boiling pot it’ll jump out, but if you set it in and turn up the heat slowly it won’t notice?”

 

“Yeah. You’re the frog who can jump out of the boiling water, and I’m the frog in the slow burning pot I guess. And if I notice it’s getting hot and complain people will tell me I’m being ungrateful that they let me live in the pot that they decided to put me in. They didn’t address the heat, and so I’m not supposed to either. And if I can’t survive in it then that would just mean I’m defective somehow. “ Armin explained, voice softening at the end.

 

“I’d take you with me when I jumped out.” Eren offered, and Armin melted, not realizing how much he would have wanted that until Eren said it. Automatically he imagined Eren rescuing him from a church pew and walking out with him, like princes did for princesses in ivory towers before they kissed—

 

_NO_

 

**_NO_ **

 

**_NO._ **

 

Now was not the time for this. Not in front of Eren, who was probably normal and didn’t try on women’s clothing or want to kiss other boys but who did _maybe_ think Armin was okay to hang around and probably wouldn’t anymore if he found out what Armin was thinking and _just because he was out of the heat didn’t mean that he wasn’t defective he supposed—_

 

“Hey. Hey.” Eren called to the blonde, reaching across the table and cupping Armin’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you think about that. What matters is that it’s over now, and you’re here.”

 

And although Eren was right that he was there, Armin wondered if the lingering feeling of him being cripplingly inadequate would really ever be over.

 

“Yeah.” Armin offered quietly, and Eren squeezed his shoulder.

 

“And I’m not ever letting you end up back in there again, okay?” The boy tried to soothe him, and Armin wanted nothing more than to throw himself across the table and crush their lips together—

 

He tried his hardest to just focus on Eren’s voice and push the invasive thoughts out of his mind.

 

“We’ll travel the world together or something like that. Then you won’t have to think about that place anymore.”

 

The visual of traveling together gave Armin something else to think about (even if the fantasy was still inappropriately domestic), and admittedly even if he was diseased inside and probably shouldn’t be around Eren he didn’t want to let him go.

 

“Yeah?” Armin finally smiled, “I’m going to hold you to that.”

 

“Go ahead. I will.” Eren rubbed him again, smiling back. “You’re gonna have to help me though. I don’t know jack shit about traveling.”

 

“My parents used to buy me travel books. I guess that’s kind of weird in retrospect since we didn’t travel much, but I have some ideas that I’ve always wanted to try.”

 

“Tell me about them.” Eren directed, trying to move Armin away from the thoughts that got him down earlier.

 

And as Armin talked animatedly until their food came, launching into tales about monuments and natural wonders, Eren realized he’d never seen such wonder in someone’s eyes until Armin’s. It was the same wonder that he supposed drew him to the blonde that first night they watched the sunset, and he realized he himself had never truly knew anything like it until Armin came into his life.

 

He wondered if he looked like that when he took that candid earlier, because he swore how Armin looked right then was how Armin made him feel.

 

* * *

 

 

By the end of their meal their conversation was upbeat and lively again.

 

Eren paid the tab (much to Armin’s dismay) and walked back down the main drag with him. Once past the storefronts they reached a fork, and Eren turned to face Armin.

 

“I think this is where we say goodnight- I’m that way.” He gestured opposite of where Armin would need to walk to get home, and Armin’s face fell a little.

 

“Yeah…” Armin agreed reluctantly, and Eren surprised him by pulling him into a tight hug.

 

Eren’s scent was intoxicating, and Armin pressed his face into the crook of Eren’s neck and squeezed tighter. When Eren squeezed back his lips were mere centimeters away from Armin’s ear, and when he spoke a pleasurable shiver ran down Armin’s spine.

 

“Wanna do this again tomorrow? Maybe I could actually show you the town this time.” He offered sheepishy, and Armin found himself pressing his cheek up against Eren’s own to reply.

 

“Yes- and I’d be happy with whatever you wanted to show me.” The blonde assured him, and Eren grinned.

 

“Tomorrow it is, then.” Eren declared, finally breaking the embrace. “Hey, text me when you wanna meet when you get in. I have off tomorrow so I can come whenever.”

 

“That sounds good to me.” Armin smiled back, leaning in timidly to hug Eren once more. He was warmly received, and when they pulled back Eren gently combed his fingers through his hair. Their eyes met, green staring into blue, and Eren brushed a lock of blonde hair behind Armin’s ear.

 

“Don’t beat yourself up anymore, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.” Eren pleaded, gently, and it yanked at Armin’s heartstrings.

 

“I’ll try. See you tomorrow.”

 

It was the best that Armin could manage. And with one last hug and pat on the back Eren set off into the night, leaving Armin alone with his thoughts, and with that it was like the floodgates finally broke and he couldn’t hold things back anymore.

 

Armin Arlert really, _really_ liked a boy in a way he wasn’t supposed to.

 

It felt strange to finally confront the thought. Sure, the possibility that he probably definitely could… _like_ boys had lurked in his mind before, but it had only been lurking and had been (relatively) manageable up until this point. He knew of it but he’d never had to call it out by name, but now that he had a very concrete, very much real object of his affections it felt like he had no choice. If it was white noise before it was loud, crackling, popping, and earsplitting static now.

 

He realized that the feeling, the once maybe unfounded and now justified adoration he felt when he saw Eren for the first time was probably a _crush_ , and he wondered if it got the name from a playground somewhere like where he grew up or from the possibility that there were people who would want to crush his ribs in if they knew. He hoped Eren wouldn’t be one of them but if he was, Armin thought, then maybe letting him take him out would be the best way to go.

 

He thought back to the way Eren looked under the warmth of the setting sun and thought that at least, if it came down to it, he could say he saw god at least once before he died.


End file.
